User blog:Ferfature/DRAMA - IGNORE ME
If you are bothering to read this, prepare for some serious emotional stuff. This is my valve for all the pressure, I can't hold it any longer. My valve has opened temporarily. Also, everything is all jacked up, the time starts with present, snaps back to three years ago, and then progresses to here. I HIGHLY RECCOMEND IGNORING THIS IF YOU DON'T LIKE EMOTIONAL THINGS, OR SEEING PEOPLE SAD, OR JUST HATE DRAMA, OR IF YOU'RE JUST HERE TO TELL ME HOW TROLLING I AM ):< I'm done, just done, PLAIN. OLD. DONE. There's so much stuff that happens in real life and on here that ANYTHING unexpected is just over the top bad. I'm moving, losing all my friends when I've finally started to know them, it's driving me crazy. And the other night, I went to a church dance that was going pretty good until my ride got "tired" after 25 minutes and took us all home, I got to say goodbye to nobody except the few I saw at church the next day. It made me mad so much, my parents couldn't believe I wasn't crying over it, my mom especially said that's what she would of done. Now I get to deal with all the stuff about will I make friends, will people remember me here, does anyone even like me, if they don't like me here will they like me there and all the junk that comes with moving. I try to show my parents editing of videos and pictures and pictures I take, but they generally just say something along the lines of "oh that's cool" and then just go on their way, never thinking about it again. My friends here, they're pretty good, but sadly they only like sports and stuff like that. They completely PWN while I just awkwardly fail over and over and over. At the daily morning seminary they've said stuff like "Nobody likes you Chris, after all, you are just homeschooled." MAKES ME SO ANGRY. On the days where everyone is just being silly and joking around I can go back home feeling happier and have a good start to my day, but the days where they're mean it's just horrible. I used to love going to church, but now I practicaly HATE IT. I have to go there and listen to my friends talk about the epic touchdown they made the other day, or how they're so strong and what they lifted, and all the sorts of stupid jocky stuff people talk about. I don't think my friends from where I was living a year ago even remember me, I only saw them at church and I was stuck in a college area where all the people there are college age, so if they even have kids, their kids are only like 8 years old MAX, and the average is 3-4. HOW DO I DO ANYTHING IN THAT ENVIROMENT?! D:< The one teen that lived there for one of the two years I was there borrowed all of my cool Sonic the Hedgehog games for my Gamecube, we were doing well together, when I found out he was moving I asked for the discs back. He said he would bring them over later that day. He moved 3 weeks later. He had blown me off EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I even asked him every 2 days AT HIS APARTMENT if I could have them back. I WAS SO TICKED OFF, NOW I ONLY HAD ONE GAME FOR MY GAMECUBE, AND IT WAS THE LAMEST ONE, SO TICKED, SO TICKED. People at that school called me "white" and "nerdy" and so I spent $70 on a hoodie to fit in, and it was a yellow one. They called my "Pasty White" for wearing a yellow hoodie. D:< FORGET THEM. Then the stupid hispanic guy in workshop with his little compadre make raps about how "Chris is so white, such a mother ******* greengo" and then threatening to punch my fing face in. That was when homeschool started. So then after year of stupid public school, and then a year of homeschooling, we moved. I WAS SO RELIEVED, then I found out how arrogant and cocky people here are. How they're so self-absorbed. How they have their tightly wound cliques that no one new can get into. THAT'S JUST WRONG, in a military enviroment, people are moving like crazy, and you should try to be quick to make friends instead of shutting them out making them feel like imbeciles. Now the military is doing huge cutbacks and my dad has lost his job, and we're moving out west, and it's so dang stupid. We have no idea where we're going to live yet, only the general region, and we have no idea where my dad is going to get a job, we'll be living on the cut-off pay for the next year most likely, eating our food storage instead of grocery shopping. SO MUCH STUPIDITY. And then my parents argue and screan and yell every once in a while, and they've talked of divorce so many times it scares me legitly. The reason I loved LU so much was because I could escape this world and ignore all of it's griefs. I won't go indepth, but I'm into the poltics of stuff a lot, and there's so many things that just make me feel like giving up because my future is so screwed, and that I'll have trouble. College being a huge debt-inducing scam as just one example... I've been ignoring all the problems for so long, still am. It's just so much to handle, and it gets me down, It gets me down a LOT. I havent' told anyone this before, but I've had 4 instances of thinking about suicide. One of the major things that keeps me on is thinking about my poor little 2 year old sister who is completely innocent, and in her mind she most likely thinks I'm perfect, and how when I'll leave the house she'll only be 6 or so, having few memories of me. There's so much stress in life, I try releasing it through humor, drawing pictures, making videos, and for quite a while, maintaining this place. It's just so much, almost too much...I'm very blessed to be such a trooper, and now if you'll excuse me, I need to get these tears off the keyboard. Ferfature 19:40, June 11, 2012 (UTC) Phew, that let off some steam, but to you who do read this, I have something for you. Ferfature 20:06, June 11, 2012 (UTC) Category:Blog posts